having a bad day
Am having a bad day. Feel like a failure. 3/4 lessons so far were pretty much rubbish. Have no control over class and fear all my ideas of being such a classroom manager have come to naught.
But I know it’s a sharp learning curve. And I know that if I can get through this first six weeks, I will be fine.
Okay, I know everyone says this, but I really am appalled at what teachers here tolerate. Well, no, I guess I’m not. I’m more appalled that there seems to be no real standard. I mean, are ipods even allowed in the classroom? And what do I do when I see one? They’ve all got their music on their phones. I can’t very well take their phones. And gum? I know they’re not allowed to wear jackets in class, but what about EVERYTHING ELSE? WHY isn’t there a written standard somewhere?
Times like these I miss the rigid structure of the Guidance Centre. I was always the relaxed one (at least, I felt like I was) at GC, but after the way the past two days have gone, I think I’m going to be the Strict One here.
And don’t even get me started on PSR. Sex ed at the moment, my least favourite thing to teach–especially to a class of kids who have no questions about sex that I could possibly answer. Seriously, it’s like teaching it at my school in US. The only thing I learned today was some new slang, and most of that, even, I’ve heard before.
Anyway. I hope to stop complaining to you soon. I did have one really lovely class of year 9s. They’re the top set, and it’s chock-full of SEN kids, and they’re SUPER. I mean, fantastic. They stood (everyone stands until told to be seated by the instructor), followed directions, worked silently alone and quietly in groups (!) and participated–all very good. They made me think that I can do this.
The rest of the day, though, has been a wash. And I’m sure I’ll tell my students that. ‘Thursday was a wash. Let’s start over today.’
Mostly I just feel unprepared all the time. I get here at 730 in the morning (students come to class at 845), I am here until around 5 half the time in the evening (half the time? Well, we’ve been here a week, and the earliest I’ve gone home was 430), and then I go home and face everything I don’t yet know there, too. Four hours later I go to bed hoping I know at least enough for the following day…only to learn once I arrive that in fact I still know nothing, and there’s a bigger list of things I don’t know!
GAH!
But I knew this was going to be a difficult transition. And it could be worse. I mean, I complain (a lot), but the kids aren’t BAD so much as they’re untrained in anything but low expectations. I just have to sharpen everything up. And next week will be better.
